Is this actually a movie? #1

Being a cinephile, as I am, I try to keep up on the latest developments in the world of film. I'll read magazines or articles on the Internet about the latest movies, and I'll watch trailers of upcoming flicks. But every now and again, I find myself asking of a certain title, "Is this actually a movie?" Not just because it seems bad, but because you can't think of more than two people on God's green earth that would ever want to bring this film into existence. My mind starts reeling at the number of people who must have thought this movie was a good idea in order for it to get made. Directors, producers, actors showing up every day to put their heart and soul into something that anyone could see is a piece of crap. It's simply stunning. I think perhaps the first time I uttered those exact words was when I saw the trailer for Norbit. My response was the same as if I had seen a unicorn prance by the window: is this real?

So, in order to better share this phenomenon with my darling readers, I will begin a series called "Is this actually a movie?", featuring films that elicited that reaction from me. Let's begin!

The inaugural title is actually one I had known about for a while, but I am still in disbelief that it actually came through. It is called You and I. Sounds harmless, right? Well, the original title was Finding t.A.T.u. Yeah. As in the faux-lesbian rocker duo from Russia that had a hit song like five years ago. Oh yes.

The source material for this movie may be the only thing in the world crazier than the movie itself. It's based on a novel about two lesbians who meet at a t.A.T.u. concert in Russia. Yes, there is a novel about that. And do you know who wrote it? A Russian politician who was a member of the Russian Parliament, a manager for several bands, and the director of a porno. I am not creative enough to make all of that up.

The movie is directed by two-time Oscar nominee Roland Joffe (nominated for The Killing Fields and The Mission), although his last film was the let's-put-a-hot-girl-in-a-cage classic Captivity.

The star is Mischa Barton, doing a ludicrous Russian accent and apparently working in a meat processing plant. Interestingly, Barton refuses to promote the film, and was MIA at the premiere, fueling speculation that even she thinks it sucks.

And yes, the internet is portrayed as a series of neon tubes.

Anyway, just watch the trailer, because as is the case with most of these can't-believe-they're-real movies, you really just have to see it to believe it.

Well, at least there's a guaranteed audience of horny dudes who like lesbians. Then again, some crazies are still disturbingly obsessed with t.A.T.u....