The problem of "trailer bingo"

I see a lot of movies in theaters - typically at least 2-3 per week, depending on the time of year (i.e. Oscar season pileups). As a result, I see a lot of trailers. Or, to be more precise, I see a moderate amount of trailers many, many times over (even considering that I watch DVRed shows so I can skip commercials and I rarely watch trailers online). Aside from just being repetitive and rather irksome, this especially affects me because I seem to have a disproportionately receptive and sticky brain for trailers (and all the images, lines, and musical cues therein). I only have to see a trailer once to have it lightly etched into my memory, and by the third or so time every frame of it is burned there forever. Thus, when I actually see the movie in question, a phenomenon occurs where I am actively anticipating every microscopic fragment of the trailer. I call this "trailer bingo."

It truly makes me crazy. Symptoms range from noticing that a character is wearing the same outfit as a clip from the trailer and thus waiting for a certain line to come up, to realizing that the movie can't be over yet because a particular moment has not yet occurred. Even for movies whose trailers are mostly visual, such as A Single Man and Micmacs, I kept waiting for every single two-second closeup to appear.

For the most part, I can manage. The one truly unbearable studio, however, is Fox Searchlight. They mercilessly beat you over the head with their trailers (never more than one for the same film, either) for months. My boyfriend and I could fully recite and act out the trailers for The Wrestler, (500) Days of Summer, Crazy Heart and most recently, Cyrus. (He's not as badly afflicted as I am, though.)

I generally have a low threshold for repetition - even for things I like - so perhaps that explains it. I'm not sure what to do about it other than sit in the lobby like a sulking toddler for the entirety of the previews, which isn't a very appealing notion. Guess I'm destined to suffer forever...

Does this affect you too, or am I just completely insane?

Is this actually a movie? #1

Being a cinephile, as I am, I try to keep up on the latest developments in the world of film. I'll read magazines or articles on the Internet about the latest movies, and I'll watch trailers of upcoming flicks. But every now and again, I find myself asking of a certain title, "Is this actually a movie?" Not just because it seems bad, but because you can't think of more than two people on God's green earth that would ever want to bring this film into existence. My mind starts reeling at the number of people who must have thought this movie was a good idea in order for it to get made. Directors, producers, actors showing up every day to put their heart and soul into something that anyone could see is a piece of crap. It's simply stunning. I think perhaps the first time I uttered those exact words was when I saw the trailer for Norbit. My response was the same as if I had seen a unicorn prance by the window: is this real?

So, in order to better share this phenomenon with my darling readers, I will begin a series called "Is this actually a movie?", featuring films that elicited that reaction from me. Let's begin!

The inaugural title is actually one I had known about for a while, but I am still in disbelief that it actually came through. It is called You and I. Sounds harmless, right? Well, the original title was Finding t.A.T.u. Yeah. As in the faux-lesbian rocker duo from Russia that had a hit song like five years ago. Oh yes.

The source material for this movie may be the only thing in the world crazier than the movie itself. It's based on a novel about two lesbians who meet at a t.A.T.u. concert in Russia. Yes, there is a novel about that. And do you know who wrote it? A Russian politician who was a member of the Russian Parliament, a manager for several bands, and the director of a porno. I am not creative enough to make all of that up.

The movie is directed by two-time Oscar nominee Roland Joffe (nominated for The Killing Fields and The Mission), although his last film was the let's-put-a-hot-girl-in-a-cage classic Captivity.

The star is Mischa Barton, doing a ludicrous Russian accent and apparently working in a meat processing plant. Interestingly, Barton refuses to promote the film, and was MIA at the premiere, fueling speculation that even she thinks it sucks.

And yes, the internet is portrayed as a series of neon tubes.

Anyway, just watch the trailer, because as is the case with most of these can't-believe-they're-real movies, you really just have to see it to believe it.

Well, at least there's a guaranteed audience of horny dudes who like lesbians. Then again, some crazies are still disturbingly obsessed with t.A.T.u....

Trailer Mashups

What I intended to be a top 5 list has spiraled out of control. I am loving this new trend of trailer mashups all over YouTube, that either combine or re-edit movie trailers to give them a totally different meaning. So in no particular order, here are some of my faves right now!

- Brokeback to the Future - of course. One of the forerunners of the "genre."

- Must Love Jaws

- Hard Day's Night of the Living Dead

- 8 1/2 Mile - ultimate fusion of highbrow and lowbrow.

- 10 Things I Hate About Commandments - oh, that Charlton Heston!

- Tom Hanks is James Bond - brilliant. I can't fathom how many hours of footage they had to sift through to make this.

- Toy Story: Requiem - Pixar's dark side?

- X-Men 3 and Office Space

- Donnie Madison - a blow to emo kids everywhere.

- X3: The Last Standing Ovation - I know this is the third one on the list created by Chocolate Cake City, but those guys just know how to bring the funny.

- Simian City

- The Last Lion King of Scotland

- How Scarface Got His Groove Back

- Citizen Kane: Tha Remix

- Incredible Beauty