March 27, 2007

Trailer Mashups

What I intended to be a top 5 list has spiraled out of control. I am loving this new trend of trailer mashups all over YouTube, that either combine or re-edit movie trailers to give them a totally different meaning. So in no particular order, here are some of my faves right now!

- Brokeback to the Future - of course. One of the forerunners of the "genre."

- Must Love Jaws

- Hard Day's Night of the Living Dead

- 8 1/2 Mile - ultimate fusion of highbrow and lowbrow.

- 10 Things I Hate About Commandments - oh, that Charlton Heston!

- Tom Hanks is James Bond - brilliant. I can't fathom how many hours of footage they had to sift through to make this.

- Toy Story: Requiem - Pixar's dark side?

- X-Men 3 and Office Space

- Donnie Madison - a blow to emo kids everywhere.

- X3: The Last Standing Ovation - I know this is the third one on the list created by Chocolate Cake City, but those guys just know how to bring the funny.

- Simian City

- The Last Lion King of Scotland

- How Scarface Got His Groove Back

- Citizen Kane: Tha Remix

- Incredible Beauty

Ultimate Party Mix

For my mother's upcoming 50th birthday party, my aunt decided to break out the big guns and have PARTY MUSIC. I was thus given the task of constructing a four-hour playlist that would appeal to people ranging in age from 11 to 76.

I think I have succeeded.

This is the ultimate party mix, people. You can use it for all kids, teenagers, old people, middle-aged people, or any combination. I went for a three-pronged attack of jazz/swing, motown, and old-school acoustic rock. I should probably market and sell CDs of this and make a bazillion dollars, but until that day comes, I'm giving it away for free. Even if you're not having a party, this is just damn good music.


A Hard Day's Night - The Beatles
I Get By with a Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles
All You Need is Love - The Beatles
Come Together - The Beatles
Help! - The Beatles
Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds - The Beatles
Get Back - The Beatles
Love Me Do - The Beatles
Got to Get You Into My Life - The Beatles
I Saw Her Standing There - The Beatles
Lady Madonna - The Beatles
Day Tripper - The Beatles
Can't Buy Me Love - The Beatles
All My Loving - The Beatles
Maybe I'm Amazed - Paul McCartney
Louie Louie - Richard Berry and the Pharoahs
What I'm Looking For - Brendan Benson
Cold Hands Warm Heart - Brendan Benson
Fire - Jimi Hendrix
Theme from Anatomy of a Murder - Duke Ellington
The Feeling of Jazz - Duke Ellington and John Coltrane
Never Can Say Goodbye - Jackson 5
ABC - Jackson 5
I Want You Back - Jackson 5
Stop! The Love You Save - Jackson 5
Magic Carpet Ride - Steppenwolf
Sing Sing Sing - Louis Prima
King of the Road - Dean Martin
Don't Wait Too Long - Madeleine Peyroux
Bongo Rock - Incredible Bongo Band
Brazil - Django Reinhardt
Django's Blues - Django Reinhardt
Grazing in the Grass - Hugh Masekela
Witchcraft - Frank Sinatra
I've Got You Under my Skin - Frank Sinatra
I Won't Dance - Frank Sinatra
Fly Me to the Moon - Frank Sinatra
They Can't Take That Away From Me - Frank Sinatra and Natalie Cole
You're Nobody Til Somebody Loves You - Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr.
Who Knows - Marion Black
September - Earth, Wind, and Fire
Shining Star - Earth, Wind, and Fire
Beautiful Things - Bobby Darrin
Beyond the Sea - Bobby Darrin
Into My Soul - Gabin and Dee Dee Bridgewater
In the Mood - Glenn Miller Orchestra
Moonlight Serenade - Glenn Miller Orchestra
It Don't Mean a Thing - Glenn Miller Orchestra
Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps - Cake
Take Five - Miles Davis
This is Jazz - Miles Davis
Spanish Key - Miles Davis
Blue Monk - Miles Davis and Thelonius Monk
Bring It On Home to Me - David Elliot
History Repeating - Propellerheads
Come On-a My House - Rosemary Clooney
Straighten Up and Fly Right - Nat King Cole
I've Got Rhythm - Benny Goodman
I am a Rock - Simon and Garfunkel
Cecilia - Simon and Garfunkel
Hazy Shade of Winter - Simon and Garfunkel
Mrs. Robinson - Simon and Garfunkel
It's Your Thing - The Isley Brothers
Hound Dog - Elvis
Higher Ground - Stevie Wonder
Don't You Worry 'Bout a Thing - Stevie Wonder
Golden Lady - Stevie Wonder
For Once in My Life - Stevie Wonder
I Was Made to Love Her - Stevie Wonder
My Cherie Amour - Stevie Wonder
Signed, Sealed, Delivered - Stevie Wonder
Superstar - The Temptations
I Can't Get Next to You - The Temptations
Move on Up - Curtis Mayfield
Black Magic Woman - Santana
Chained - Marvin Gaye
Got to Give It Up - Marvin Gaye
Heard It Through the Grapevine - Marvin Gaye
Heard It Through the Grapevine - Gladys Knight and the Pips (sounds totally different from original)


March 19, 2007

Craigslist Fun!

Craigslist can be a useful tool, for finding things such as apartments and jobs. It can also be bizarre and supremely entertaining. Here, I share with you some of the treats that can be found on this wonderful site on any given day.

- Need some extra money, ladies? Maybe you should give this stud a call.

- I know guys like sports and naked women, but I have rarely seen the two combined in such an innovative fashion as this.

- Why do Harvard students always get such incredible opportunities?

- In the "Lost and Found" section...nice.

- A hilarious entry from Toronto ... sounds like something out of a movie.

- If you're in the Chicago area, I would recommend taking this guy up on his offer.

- Usually anything involving turtles is funny, but this is above and beyond.

- This one left me speechless. I don't know how to respond.

- All the bagpipe jokes you'll ever need.

- Alas. Too little, too late.

- Bad dog!

- How nice of this fellow to share this life milestone with the world.

- A tough decision.

- Spam haikus! Yes!

- Ouch!

I could go on forever, but I'll stop here. I do, however, encourage you to find your own Craigslist fun!

Men, Women, and Movie-Watching

I found this to be interesting. From Cosmo magazine:

"We all have favorite films, but there's a reason your guy is never bored by his DVD library. 'Men have lower activity level in their brains when they take in a movie, so they can watch them over and over,' says brain-imaging specialist Daniel Amen, MD, author of Sex on the Brain. 'Women, on the other hand, have busier brains and need more depth or relational aspects to be engaged by a film.' So while guys are just as entertained no matter how many times they see Bruce Willis save the day or Will Ferrell in his underpants, the novelty usually wears off for chicks after one viewing. When women see a movie twice, it's because the flick hit them on an emotional level, not just as a two-hour diversion."

March 16, 2007

Worst Movies of All Time

The good folks over at Rotten Tomatoes have compiled a list of their 100 lowest-rated movies. I am a loser, so I looked at all of them. (In my defense, you can't skip ahead to number one). I think you'll find number one, coming in with a cumulative rating of 0% good, to be a surprise - not because it's not bad, but it's not as famous for being bad as, say, Gigli. Also interesting is that the earliest movie on the list is from 1998. I attribute this to nostalgia - once you get back to about the 80s, it's like "Well, the movie was ridiculous, but the fashion and music were fun, totally 80s." And the nostalgia obviously just grows from there - no one's gonna be too harsh on a movie from the 50s. Anyway, the list is here:

March 12, 2007

Do-It-Yourself Inspirational Sports Movie

I am so sick of all the inspirational sports movies they are cranking out by the minute these days. So formulaic and redundant. It seems anyone could do it...hey...

Do-It-Yourself Inspirational Sports Movie Plot!

Directions: Pick one each from column A, B, and C, then fill in your choices in the corresponding places.

prison inmates
troubled youth
mentally handicapped
senior citizens

track and field
figure skating

recovering alcoholic
former champion
normal person
tough guy with a heart of gold

"Coming to theaters this summer! The inspiring tale of a ragtag team of (A), breaking into the sport of (B) which previously had been universally inaccessible to (A), as coached by a (C). Based on a true story!!"

Honestly, any combo you create could be coming to theaters soon.

Anagram Fun!

An anagram, for those who don't know, is when you take the letters of a word or phrase and rearrange it to create another word or phrase. Some people say that you can find pretty meaningful anagrams out of certain things. My mom, for instance, would always say that I danced to the beat of a different drummer, so perhaps then it's no surprise that my name can be rearranged to say "Each jives lone in sun." With the help of an anagram website, I made up a list of some fun movie-star themed anagrams (some of which I jacked shamelessly from the site. But some are mine too!)

Orson Welles - No slow reels

Alec Guinness - Genuine class

Katharine Hepburn (in reference to the witty repartee she often had with her on-screen partners) - Hark! I, he, pun banter

Humphrey Bogart - Oh, breathy grump!

Charles Chaplin - Shrill cane chap

Martin Scorsese - Screen is a storm

Clint Eastwood - Old west action

Leni Riefenstahl (Nazi propaganda director, lived to be 100) Senile Hitler fan

Now try your own!

March 9, 2007

Top 5 Musicals

Yes, there is an old movie bias. But in my defense, they had more musicals then!

Top 5 Musicals

1. Singin in the Rain. This movie is absolutely perfect in every way. I might have to say that this is number one and the others are tied for number two.
2. On the Town. Chronologically preceding the film above but having the same pairing of Stanley Donen and Gene Kelly, it has the same charm, awesome dancing, and catchy songs. Plus Frank Sinatra. In a sailor suit. Mmmm.
3. Top Hat. If I was condemned to spend the rest of my life locked in a room watching Fred and Ginger musicals, I'd be happy. I believe this to be the best of the bunch - it has songs like "Cheek to Cheek" and everyone's bumbling confusion is quite entertaining.
4. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. The Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell pairing of spacey blonde and sassy brunette is unbeatable. I love the glamour of "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend," but I'm equally partial to Russell's husky rendition of "Ain't There Anyone Here for Love?"
5. Cabaret. Liza Minnelli is larger than life in this. At one point she sprawls out on a bed and shouts "Doesn't my body just drive you wild with desire?" And she can say that in all seriousness, because she's Liza fucking Minnelli in Cabaret. The song and dance numbers are sleazy, campy, and full of heart. It makes you feel good, but then you're like, oh shit, Nazis.

Top 5 Currently Working Actors with Untapped Potential

I like making Top 5 lists for movies. I often attempt this with my friend Scott. But every time, we quickly realize that I watch mostly old movies and he watches mostly newer movies and we aren't gonna get anywhere. So I'll do it mah damn self. These lists will always be in no order of importance, unless otherwise specified.

Top 5 Currently Working Actors with Untapped Potential

1. Bruce Willis. Yeah, I know, he does the action thing really well, and I liked him in Sin City and such. The Whole Nine Yards was a little contrived. But somewhere deep in there, there's an Oscar-winning role, I feel it. It'd be a dramedy about life - kinda Little Miss Sunshine-y. You couldn't domesticate him too much, but let him sit back, not blow things up, and ACT.
2. Denzel Washington. Before anyone punches me, YES, Denzel Washington is a very accomplished actor and he's won lots of awards. Okay. But I am SO TIRED of seeing him play cops. "Coming this summer: Denzel as a cop for the 967th time!" Stretch him a little. Get him out of his element. I can see him as the straight man in a quirky comedy - almost a bit of a self-parody of how intense he is.
3. Halle Berry. Maybe this one is more hopeful than truthful. I couldn't believe she won an Oscar for Monster's Ball, a role that solely consisted of her screaming and crying on the floor, and then proceeding to fuck Billy Bob Thornton. Then of course came the post-Oscar blues of Catwoman, Gothika, etc. I think she has a bit of the same problem as Denzel - taking herself too goddam seriously. I want to see her in an intelligent romantic comedy about a woman with more relatable problems than her husband P. Diddy being on death row or being a cat-based superhero.
4. Penelope Cruz. I thought she was kind of a lightweight from her work in English-language movies, but holy shit, that girl packs a punch in Spanish. (Exhibit A: Volver.) So this is my direct plea to Miss Penelope: DO ONLY SPANISH MOVIES! Preferably with Pedro Almodovar. (Exhibits B and C: Live Flesh and All About My Mother.) I guess that isn't so much untapped potential as potential that needs to continue being tapped.
5. Tom Hanks. I would threaten to gouge out my own eyes if Tom Hanks stars as another all-American good guy, but that would ensure my own blindness in a matter of weeks. Here is my proposed career therapy for Mr. Hanks: play a bad guy. I don't mean rob a store to feed your children bad, I mean seriously fucked up and disturbed bad. Impossible! you say. Oh, it would definitely be a long shot, but it'd be the ultimate test of his acting ability. Look at Dennis Hopper in Blue Velvet - he looks like he could be your grandpa, which makes it all the more disturbing when he gets high and absuses women. I want to see Tom Hanks play a guy who rapes children in a dark alley. Because honestly, the guys that usually do that don't look like Marvel supervillains - they look like Tom Hanks, your average all-American guy.

Favorite Internet Miscellany

To kick things off, I'm going to present my current favorite random crap of the internet, accumulated over weeks and years of procrastination.

AFI Top 100 Films - How many have you seen? (I've seen 54). This list is from 1996-ish, though, and they're making a new one. The list of potential candidates can be downloaded here. I sincerely doubt that Citizen Kane and The Godfather are going anywhere, but there are some new ones that I hope make it (Rushmore!) and some that I certainly hope don't (Crash!)

Mitch Hedberg quotes - good for a quick laugh. I saw his show shortly before he died - rest in peace.

Paintings by Alyssa Monks. Beautiful work.

Mashup of a trailer for "The Shining" to make it a romantic comedy. Hilarious. I know the whole world has seen this by now, but I may never get over it.

Ways to freak out your roommate. Last year I scoured this for ideas, in all seriousness.

NotStarring - did you know that Lucille Ball was considered for the lead in "Gone with the Wind?" This site has all the roles that actors turned down or were rejected for.

Movie poster gallery, with lots of large-size pictures of movie posters from all years and languages. Contributed greatly to the decoration of my walls.

40 Things That Only Happen in Movies - SO funny! A lot of these things I never thought about before, but they always happen and don't really make sense.

Face stickers - think how much more fun work would be with these.

Who knew that Matt Damon could do a DEAD-ON impression of Matthew McConaughey?

The Nietzsche Family Circus pairs randomized Friedrich Nietzsche quotes with random images from the comic strip Family Circus. Devastating if you actually like Family Circus, devastatingly funny if don't.

Career-Summing Movie Posters. I looked at every single one of these, and couldn't stop laughing. I probably had to write a paper or something.


Did you know that listening to Frank Sinatra can turn you gay? I sure didn't, and would have turned into a full-blown carpetmuncher had the nice folks at Love God's Way not intervened. Here is a handy list of bands that will turn you gay. (Absurd. Truly.)

And finally, CuteOverload. If everyone went to this site every day, like I do, there would be world peace. For serious.